THE ELEVATOR

How often does one use an elevator in a day? This convenient lift mechanism that saves our lazy legs from climbing endless flights of stairs is so taken for granted! These mammoth lifts either slowly or speedily usher us from as little as one floor from where we previously were to heights we never imagined that we could go. So why with all this exhilarating convenience, can't people decide for a measly 2 minutes or less out of their day, to be considerate of each other? Common courtesy would dictate that after pressing the destination button on the interior or exterior of the mechanism, you should stand to the side, away from the door. This is to allow more people to get on or off. Yet, people seem to either be so elated to get on, that they simply cannot wait until you depart and invariably shove you back inside, or it turns into a very bad cha-cha dance with each person; head down trying to, out of the corner of their eye ascertain which direction you are going to aim for in efforts to get out or in. Factor in the automatic programming of the time the doors stay open in said contraption and the results can be disastrous. So what is it about these elevators that confound the human sanity so?

Let me consult Ms. Manners for some etiquette advice...(stumbling over shoes, and dangling over the edge of my couch arm to grab the TOME on my shelf)...okay well she's a bit outdated on that subject. I did, however, find some great articles in my Google search about being nice to your elevator-neighbors. May favorite was The Ten Commandments of Elevator Etiquette (http://office-politics.suite101.com/article.cfm/elevator_etiquette). THOUGH SHALL NOT FART. I believe that this edict is a given in any social situation bar-none.

Cellphones in an elevator can only infuriate occupants of the little box that moves up and down. Unless, of course, it is YOU who is on the telephone. Why would one assume that others would want to hear a conversation that you are having, or even worse the paltry attempts to being discreet so that we only hear "uh huh, yeah, sure sure, great, okay". The best inane show of rudeness is when the call is lost, and the person acts like they were actually getting off the phone to BE courteous. That sheepish look, ya know it... or even the entirely insolent one that subsequently appears on the offender's face in attempt to hide the embarrassment brewing deep down they really feel for being a jackass. Momentous!

Let's not forget, the obligatory look up at the numbers or look down at your shoes stare that everyone MUST engage themselves in. Las Vegas thankfully spares this invariable condition of neckache by placing ads inside the elevators at eye level so you can stare at photographs of food instead. Which just makes me hungry...which I guess is the point. So why can't we look at each other, our obsession with being insular while at the same time being immersed in the public. Of course, this could go into a further discussion of human behavior, but I digress.... Elevators, yeh, that is what I was talking about.

Did you ever feel like riding the elevator gives you some sense of importance? Especially those glass ones, where as you rise above the floor below you can look down your nose at the crowd accumulating there, as if to say, "heh, I made it before you. Look at me! Look at ME!" Then you step off into oblivion once again to disperse to wherever destination you aim for.

Ah, elevators...a man made convenience that only man can degrade into another excuse to be annoying to each other.