The Words We Live By

     When raising children one happens to get into a rut of mantras that you tend to say over and over again. For most parents, this is some form of "Because I said so" in terms of motivation. I don't believe in extrinsic motivation as much as I believe in intrinsic motivation. Most of the time what we say in my house is "No Excuses, Find Solutions." This works on so many levels, and eliminates (hopefully) the need for lying in order to avoid punishment or avoidance. But today we came across a problem that this motto can't account for entirely since we really were working on solutions to... math problems.
    My daughter has inherited this odd family gene where we can DO math, but we can't show or explain HOW we do it. Sure we get the right answer but we don't know why. It's like our brain skips ahead but when you ask it to slow down and explain it, all the information disappears. So what to do when I have an child staring at a problem that she should be able to solve but well she can't.
    First we identify the real problem. She's a bit lazy. Then she resigns that she's lazy and admits defeat. So we talked about accepting that she's a bit lazy and because of that she has to work harder but gets frustrated easily. But I told her that there is a middle ground between being lazy and working harder because of it. One that in essence allows you to avoid working harder, and helps you get things done faster. She was interested.
    I talked about how math isn't a trick, doesn't deceive. Numbers are numbers and they are what they are. So if you stop looking at math like it's trying to trick you and start understanding that it is a pattern of facts then math isn't so daunting. She said okay explain... I explained that when you memorize math facts, your brain will start doing the calculations when it looks at something and you won't even realize that you are doing it! It's called working smarter. If you already know the math facts, then solving an equation is simple.
   She never understood why she had to memorize all those math facts, and to be honest as a kid neither did I. Math was always a source of stress for me. My parents were never helpful and while I usually made A's and B's in math, it was never my fondest subject. Not because I was a girl, not because I was under the impression that I would never need math, but because I never understood how math worked and why it worked that way, but my brain somehow without my help could do the problem. Then I would be asked to show my work. See I have a strong gift for logic and reasoning, so I can look at something and make a logical deduction... such as a list of possible answers on a test... but if I had to show HOW I got to that answer, I was screwed. My mother does this as well, and now so does my daughter.
    But you can't rely on this forever, and yes it tripped me up in Algebra and Calculus. So I don't want this to happen to my "I wanna be a Scientist" daughter. Working Smarter is the only way out. I am not a fan of drills and memorization in the sense that it should be a do or do not thing in terms of success but I do know the value of memorization. So now she wants to learn to work smarter. That means memorizing the math facts that she had been rejecting and that is now causing her to become frustrated.
    "WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER" is now one of another of those words we live by.

Learning Curve

The detriment of having a high learning curve? People either can't believe that you know what you know, or they don't respect you because you didn't have to wait years for your knowledge to "click" into being applicable. Sometimes vicarious learning trumps experience because you can view things without the bias that years of experience may have taught. This is not to say that experience doesn't provide some wisdom or that experience isn't valid because more often than not, it is paramount. However, for people of a higher than average IQ, which essentially means a higher learning curve, they are able to apply their learning almost immediately. Because of this, people tend to judge these people by average standards such as age, years in college, or time at a job. The only factors that can trump this is if they happen to have accumulated accolades that prove to the world that they are indeed extraordinary. Another factor in this is Emotional Intelligence. Combine the two and you are around someone who can quickly learn from other people's mistakes and perspectives, and adapt after QUICKLY assessing all the knowledge that they have in their possession. But to those of average intelligence, this confronts all their personal insecurities and personal feelings towards intelligence. This can automatically cause friction when there may not have been any with someone of equally average intelligence. So what does the person with a High IQ do? Be patient. Try not to patronize. Find a way to slowly show that you are completely capable of dealing with situations without rambling off all the information that is flowing through your mind. It is a tedious world, and this will make interactions with others tedious as well but... it must be done if you want to maintain personal and professional relationships.

The Scorpion and the BlueBird

So I dreamed about a scorpion last night, it was the last component to a very long sequence of odd events that I spent all morning processing. Not being familiar with what a scorpion represents; first, let me tell you what the scorpion was doing... I was sleeping in a house that was owned by I think the first person that I truly loved was or who represented my ideal love. The scorpion came down from the wall and as I spied it coming my way. I picked up a pair of shears and a pillow with which to battle it with. It came at me and stabbed the pillow but I noticed that it's claws were bound. Only the stinger could make contact. At the end of the dream, I had the scorpion by the tail with the scissors. I could snip off the stinger at any second. I remember just sitting there with the power of that and smiling. So I looked up scorpion in the dream dictionary. It said that the appearance of a scorpion is thus: To see a scorpion in your dream represents a situation in your waking life which may be painful or hurtful. It is also indicative of destructive feelings, "stinging" remarks, bitter words and/or negative thoughts being expressed by or aimed against you. You may be on a self-destructive and self-defeating path. The scorpion is also a symbol of death and rebirth. You need to get rid of the old and make room for something new.(http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/s.htm) Well this makes perfect sense as I am wrapping up a negative situation in my life as of today officially and have been feeling a sense of rebirth again. So this was a welcome moment of appreciation at the start of my day. Yet, there was one other component of the dream that was prominent also. I had a cellphone that was actually a fuzzy blue bird. My daughter was running to the street and almost into traffic and I pulled her back in time but the cellphone bird fell under a tire and got knocked around. I rushed it to the emergency room but they said that it was fine and it just was a bit banged up. I have no idea what the significance of this was so I looked it up. According to the website: To see a bluebird in your dream symbolizes both happiness and sadness. It is also an indication of purification and resolution to the opposing conflicts/paradoxes in your life. Well, that fits perfectly into my life which is usually in a state of cognitive dissonance. But why coupled with a cellphone? Here is what it says: To dream that you lost your cell phone represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self. This also makes great sense to me because I have an issue with myself about how I handled the situation with my now ex roommate. In fact, I think that many people who know me had a hard time believing that I would even put up with such behavior. I am a fighter, I don't back down, and I don't let people walk all over me especially people that I have little respect for. But I let her completely put me into a place of past trauma, her words and deeds were right out of every abusive relationship that I have been in all mashed into one. I have grown enough as a person that I took the high road, I didn't fight back, I let her rain her bullying and verbal attacks on me to the point where hearing her voice or seeing her call on my phone had my shoulders up to my ears and my stomach in knots. But I didn't want to cause more stress to my daughter so I played the high road card and tiptoed around her, avoided her, played civil with her all the while seething inside myself that I wasn't putting her in her obviously emotionally disturbed place. I felt that the part of me that I was proudest of, the part that didn't take any shit from people had turned into a victim, and I despise victim mentality. So this interpretation of my dream, protecting my daughter but abandoning myself then fighting the source of negativity and knowing I now have the power to cut it off and out of my life was a great dream to represent all that I have been going through and culminates today when I sign my new lease. Now for some coffee!

Fresh Start

Weird. I haven't been back to Blogger in a while and now I see why! So many changes! But that isn't what I am here to write about today. Do you remember that feeling before school started again next year? You forgot the wrongs of the past and looked forward to the new school year with excitement and promise? I keep watching these hair care commercials and it keeps bringing in this feeling to me of that time, when I had fresh new paper and pens, school supplies, and maybe some new clothes along with high hopes that this year would be exiting and fun. I asked myself why I am I feeling this way? And it hit me just as I type this... I am hoping to move into a new apartment this week, and if I get it, it would mean a complete revamping of how I live my life. I am focused on my writing career, my schooling, and my daughter's career. I went through an excruciating few months with this person as a roommate and through all her psychological abuse and bullying it taught me so much more about what I don't want from my life. It also made me more determined in the path I have taken because her intense disapproval really only showed that the way in which I live my life is that I am doing some things right, really right. I know that my friends have all told me this before but seeing someone hate you so much for who you are, really made it clear to me. So I have that fresh start feeling that you get right before school started again- the excitement that this year things might be different! Here's to hoping that this feeling stays with me and that I have let go of the negativity and really moved forward in my goals!

2011 and Introductions... has etiquette disappeared?

After this weekend's San Diego Comic Con, I am compelled to write a little ditty about the complete lackadaisical way that people deal with introductions. I am not talking about social intros in the sense of you are hanging out with some people and a random friend of yours drops by. Oops... No! I am talking about networking. The first rule I learned in business is that beware the people who keep their contacts secret. Why? These people often feel that it makes them special or elite to have these contacts, and that you may do them favors in order to obtain these contacts. They may feel insecure that you might steer the contact away from them, or they may just be a self centered person that doesn't realize how networking 'works'. Check out this article that talks about networking- http://jobcircle.com/blog/?p=2313

The purpose at something like conventions for the professional is to see what is out there, to meet people that you normally don't have a chance to interact with, and to market yourself to fans and other professionals in your industry. However, as the main problem with the comic industry has been and will always be, no one seems to view it like a business. Now that it has gotten some lifeblood pumped into it because Hollywood has come knocking at its doors for material and inspiration, the comic book business has become another league of secret keepers. The barriers to entry have surged to an all time high because now comic companies are looking to collaborate with actors and established novelists for material instead of those of us who have been knocking for years trying to get in. But I digress...

At a professional event, networking is always the goal. So when you are standing with someone, and someone else walks up that you don't know, it is the obligation of the person you are speaking with to break from the conversation, greet the new person and then introduce you to them. Here's a sample script:

Jim: Hi Bob, this is Jane. Jane is a writer and filmmaker. To Jane: Bob is an artist and writer, and he works with so and so.

Jane: Hi Bob, pleasure to meet you. Here is my card. I would love to see your work.

Bob: Hi Jane, nice to meet you. Here is my card, let's chat sometime.

Hands have been shaken, greetings all around, etc. This is a proper 'informal' business introduction. Believe me if you ask Syndi Seid, a professional etiquette instructor, this would not even pass her test. Yet, for some reason, this simple form was horribly defective during SDCC this year. There was lots of sidestepping, random comments,and first names thrown about but very little in the way of actual introductions. What has happened to professionalism? If you know that someone could benefit from an introduction, what is the harm? It's not like you are pandering, or begging. For instance, I know a lot of people in the music industry. I, however, have no aspirations to be in the music business. Then say Ted wants to be a singer, and I know a producer, can you give me one good reason that I shouldn't introduce them? How does it hurt me to help them? It doesn't, but it does make me a reliable contact, and in the future, if I need a song written for a movie I am making, I very well might be able to call on Ted to write that song for me. It could happen.

Networking is not about seeing how many contacts you can store up to make yourself feel important, and part of networking is being able to bring people together that might be able to work together or with you at some point in your career. So without the proper introductions this cannot happen and you are slighting yourself as much as you are the person standing next to you that you left out in the cold because of your lack of manners.
Great article about the altruism of networking: http://www.chichiokezie.com/2010_08_01_archive.html Good stuff!

Totes to Grocery Shop- Why?

I am not a super dooper eco friendly person, as I forget to recycle a lot and I do buy books like they are going out of style. However, there is one thing that I feel is of utmost importance to use recyclable grocery bags to grocery shop. Reason number one- They on average carry more groceries in one bag than a plastic bag can, and they have very nice handles unlike paper bags. Both paper and plastic tend to snap. Also, for women who are single or have a useless boyfriend, you either have to make a dozen trips to the car, or you get nasty cutting marks on your arms as you try to carry all the bags inside at once, while you are fiddling with your keys, something always falls,or spills etc. Reason number two- they are inexpensive, handy when you need them, can be folded into your already over-sized purse, and can even be very very adorable. Reason number three- you are saving the lives of animals, reducing landfill, and reducing clutter in your own home. I on average buy enough groceries that about 10-12 plastic bags are required. When I remember to bring my bags, which I usually keep in the back of my car, minus the one I always keep in my purse, I end up with three bags. Three bags full of the same groceries that took 10-12 plastic bags to bring home. Not to mention some of the bags are usually double bagged for strength. So that would be say 14- 16 bags total. Again, I still only use 3-4 of the reusable bags. If everyone was smart, and remembered to bring their bags, or purchased at least one everytime they shopped, we could reduce the need for the plastic bag! This would mean that grocery stores and shopping centers would need to buy less, which would lower their overhead. Which would what, my friends? Lower the cost of foooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So next time you shop, think about this. Now here is the big issues, how to sell this to guys... because men don't carry purses to tuck them into, they might carry backpacks, but that is rare in the adult male, and they don't tend to want to carry anything before there is a need to carry it... i.e. bringing in a bunch of bags before they shop. How do we encourage men to use reusable shopping totes? Any ideas?

Shopping Carts

In this age of convenience, drive-thrus, and internet shopping, texting, emails, etc. - we are all obsessed with things being easy. One would think that I would be this type of person since 80% of my life is internet based. I shop online, I read online, I watch television and movies online, I even buy my groceries online. Yet, because my daughter has auditions that take me all over, sometimes a bit of whimsy catches me and I feel like walking into a grocery or other store to peruse the aisles and get a little bit of shopping done- to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. I like to make sure that I don't waste gas to just run her to an audition. So what is my point?
As I was at the Ralph's (a chain in Los Angeles), and as I was blissfully walking out having prided myself of great purchases and a new little pot of Campanulas when after unloading my shopping bags (re-useable) into my trunk, I turned to find the spot to return my cart. Searching and searching, I spotted the designated corral located a good 100-150 feet from where I was standing. Scouting the parking lot for any activity (paranoid mom always looking around for child abductors), I walked briskly to the area, noticing that there were abandoned carts all over the parking lot, some that stood a mere 20 feet or less from the corral. This caused me to be a little peeved. Why are people so lazy that they can't spare the 30 seconds to take their cart back to the appropriate place? One wants the convenience to shop with a nice rolling basket, relieving the need to balance food in one's arms (Which might be a good idea! It would keep people from buying more food than they need and give their flabby arms a little workout!) , and the ease of rolling it out to another vehicle to transport it easily home. Yet, they cannot even walk to put the carts back! Are we in such a hurry that a simple walk is too time consuming? These same people I bet bitch because there is an abandoned cart in a parking space that they wanted to use. Those same people would then go into the store and complain to the manager or staffer that the carts are not being brought in by them which inconvenienced them. As I drove home, another maddening part of the equation... shopping carts strewn all over the sidewalks, alleyways, and doorsteps. People that choose to walk and then steal the shopping carts to take their groceries home. Another crime of gluttony and sloth, which drives the bottom line for a grocery store up which ends up filtering into the price of groceries. When operating costs go up, it reflects in the price points for food, along with other factors of course. So I guess what I am saying here, is: PEOPLE PUT YOUR CARTS BACK, DON'T BE LAZY!